Judi Strehlow

My ex husbands wife died. I didn’t know her very well but I didn’t hold any animosity towards her. Actually I found that she, like me, tried to get my ex to be involved with his children and in life outside of himself. Like me, she was not successful in regards to his children. She certainly put herself out there for my kids at the beginning, but without his support, really, what could she accomplish? Ultimately we all do have to take care of our own lives.

By all accounts Judi was a pretty ambitious person. We saw first hand what a go getter she was, first at my youngest daughters wedding and later as she ventured in to her own business. Is it terrible for me to say I was shocked when I heard what Judi had offered up as help towards her wedding? It probably was mean of me to speculate that she made all these offers without talking to Bob; however none of it fit in to his MO or involvement with his children. Mean or not, she had to back off some of the offers because he had no intention of doing or contributing that much to her wedding. I wouldn’t have expected that he would since he had not really contributed to anything regarding his four children with me. Judi did do all the work she and Chuchie came to agree on. Quite commendable as she did not have to do anything for any of the kids. Certainly Bob wouldn’t have done anything. I actually did feel bad for Judi because she was like I was when I first married Bob. I thought I could help him have a relationship with his oldest daughter and later the four children we had together. I was wrong. I think she found that out for herself as well. Since they did not have children together I surmise that it wasn’t as great an issue in their marriage as it was in ours.

When Judi went in to the restaurant business we did go out there as customers to offer support. Having been in that business for years I am acutely aware of the work involved. Failing is not because one doesn’t work hard, it is a combination of many things, great luck being the biggest aspect in many cases. I have to say, I did not see a great deal of support from her husband when we were there. And I felt that ultimately would be the nail in the coffin of that business. I did not wish that but I did see that. But she tried and I applaud her for that.

I hope that Judi knew in her heart before she passed that her children would be okay. I hope she had the chance to tell them about her life and how much she loved them. I hope she didn’t have to rely on Bob to take care of them. I remember thinking to myself I just couldn’t die, who would take care of my babies?? While I have no death wish (and am now married to a wonderful man that would try to carry out my wishes for family unity in the event of my death) I clearly remember the day I thought to myself, I could die now and my last thought would not be worry about my family. My kids are all okay and utterly capable of taking care of themselves as well as being there for each other. We have great memories and family traditions that they would carry out. It is a very comforting thought. Oh I am greedy and want to be around to see their lives lived out but if I couldn’t I know they will all be there for one another and are capable of taking care of themselves. They are good people. I was successful.

I hope Judi was able to experience that peaceful thought before she died. Her heart was certainly a big one. I also hope her children have those wonderful memories to get them through a very difficult time.